When I woke up yesterday morning, my computer was connected to a nearby unsecured wireless network for the first time in almost six months, and my cold black heart filled with joy. I read CNN! I checked the weather! I read webcomics while brushing my teeth! I even did stuff to my previously 99% blank Facebook page!

Then, I wasted some time on 4chan and downloaded some weird pictures. Like this one:



Now, I'm going to illegally download something. Haven't decided what yet, it's just the principle of the thing. I have not a clue how long this is going to last, so I'm going to take full advantage. After all, who knows what tomorrow may bring?

How's everybody doing tonight?

When you are poor, you mix your questionable whiskey with Tang. Fuck yeah.

I've recently resurrected my old YouTube obsession and will now be subjecting the rest of you to my recent finds, whether you've been subjected before or not. The internet is a many-splendored thing.



Every person who has entered my home this week, with the exception of the bi-annual city inspectors, has seen this video. You see, somewhere out there is a man who one day decided to procure himself one of those old, uncanny valley-style terrifying animatronic bands from Showbiz Pizza/Chuck E Cheese. Of course, after that the only reasonable course of action is to set the entire thing up in your house and program them to sing Usher songs. Somehow, the end result is pure magic.

( He's got fluid. )

I'm moving. Tomorrow.

This is certainly not to say that everyone I know is obligated to help, this is, well, kinda short notice, but if you're not busy tomorrow, it would certainly be lovely if you could help a girl out. I'll be going out to sign the lease at 11, so if there is anyone who is free at some point after that, post here and I'll call you when I'm done at the office. The only large items I own are a dresser, a coat stand, a desk, and a tall cabinet, the rest of my posessions can be fit into a car-type vehicle with a little coaxing. Basically, I just need some transportation and some muscles. Pizza and other delights will, of course, be provided.

Later on, there will be parties to celebrate my new bachelorette pad. It's pretty damn tiny, so they will be small parties and yes it is in fact a basement, but it's going to be MINE, goddamnit.

Fuck yeah.

So I lost my phone. Again. QUIT LAUGHING AT ME!

Fear not, for I will have a new one as soon as these assholes on ebay stop sniping and outbidding me by $.50 every time. Maybe I'm the cheapest bastard in the world, but I see no reason to drop more that $20-25 bucks on a phone I'm probably going to just lose, waterlog, or otherwise mangle anyway.

My e-mail is still the same as it has been, but if for some reason you really really need to talk to me right now, I'll be at work during normal business hours today and Saturday, or, if all else fails, try one of my roommates.

I was just typing "nine inch nails" in the music field, but my right hand one row too far to the left and I ended up with "bube ubcg bauks". This is funny only to me.

My butt has changed in a way that has nothing to do with gaining or losing weight. Of course this is exciting.

The fridge is fully stocked, my laundry is in the washer, I just got home from a rousing game of Tiger Woods Golf '06 (don't judge me, this game is fucking entertaining if you have the right group of people), and my sister whom I haven't seen in over a year is coming to visit me tomorrow. To commemorate this not-so-momentous but still enjoyable occasion, have some nice mellow music for a quiet summer night.

Sigur Rós - Sæglópur
Who wants some delicious Hopelandic? I knew it would be you.



Bright Eyes - Easy/Lucky/Free
The one I really wanted to share was Oh, You Are The Roots That Sleep Beneath My Feet, but YouTube had only a live handicam version. Still, this one is lovely too.



Boards of Canada - Dayvan Cowboy
This song is at its best when experienced in an ancient Jeep with a mouth full of gauze and a head full of Vicodin. In the rain. Seriously.



Goodnight, ladies and gents.

Today on the bus into Ann Arbor, I saw a man with longish white hair and a short white beard and a Wales t-shirt get on the bus around White Castle. He had no fingers on his right hand, which was covered up to the elbow with a dirty white tube sock. He was also on the bus on my way home. The look on his face was so serene that I couldn't look away.

The neighbors from whom we were stealing wireless moved out about a month ago, leaving me completely devoid of stolen internets. Now, there is a far-away neighbor providing us with small amounts when the stars correctly align, but I will still not have reliable access until after I move.

Speaking of moving, nothing is set in stone, but in all likelihood the big moving day is going to be Sunday the 19th. If any of you lovelies with largish cars and/or muscles would be willing to come and lend a hand, I will be providing pizzas and other mysterious forms of gratitude. I'll be updating on this at some point or another.

I can't seem to stop losing weight. I have exactly zero pairs of pants that currently fit me properly. Perhaps I have worms, or maybe the AIDS. Is this something I should be complaining about?

My kitten is the cutest kitten ever. He chases his tail with incredible fervor and has an intensely smelly butt. I love him.

Headshot, bitches.

In case you haven't noticed, my phone has been out of commission for the past three weeks. There was an unfortunate and rather tragic incident involving a flight of stairs and a glass of ice water that led to its untimely demise.

But fear not, for through the power of eBay and some guy from Tennessee who didn't want his anymore, I have a phone once again, for the low low price of $10 plus shipping and handling. Unfortunately, if you left me any sort of important message within these three weeks, there is a very good chance that I will not be hearing it, so if it's something that is still relevant, either give me another call or shoot me an e-mail. Just showing up at my house works, too.

As an interesting side note, when I first recieved the phone and went to personalize the wallpaper and banner, I found that the previous owner had chosen animated tropical fish with the message "I like pie". I left it exactly the way it was.

I'm headed out of town in mere hours, ladies and gentlemen, catch you all Monday.

It's a rainy day in Ypsilanti, I'm awake far earlier than I want to be, and I will soon be on my way to Livonia to get my wisdom teeth forcibly extracted. However, I've concocted a cunning plan to cheer myself up.

Reply with any comment at all and I'll post a picture from my EXTENSIVE library of random, bizarre, and possibly pornographic images collected from the far corners of the internets. My intention is for it to be something that reminds me of you, but in all likelihood I'm going to be strung out on Vicodin while posting said replies, so no guarantees.

I'm offering free, drugged-up, weird-ass pictures for all, dear people. Shit, I'll even give you the first hit free:



You know you want it.

One of these days I'm going to learn how to do a proper roll without injuring myself horribly.

Once again, my internets are back and at least mostly reliable, so the e-mailing may once more commence. I've skimmed the ol' friends page a bit, but there's entirely too much for me to catch up on, so if I've missed someone's major life event, my apologies.

The past three weeks have not exactly been conducive to social interaction. In other words, I've kind of been hiding from, well, the world for a while, so to those of you who are feeling sad and lonely and ignored, it's nothing personal and you're not forgotten. I'll be coming out eventually, possibly coaxed out with the promise of cookies, or possibly all on my own. In the mean time, I have the first tapioca pudding cup I've eaten since elementary school and soon there will be many pictures.

In lieu of actual explanation, have some DR. TRAN.



HOLY SHIT, it's DR. TRAN!



Diabetes? BEAN CUP!